April 21, 2016
In life, once in a while, you might get exhausted, and stressed, and..
everything just doesn’t turn out as you want it to be.
But be strong. Stay strong.
Cause I have those times as well.
And yesterday was one of those.
I woke up at 530am yesterday, which I usually do during weekdays. I prepared your dada’s breakfast and baon. While waiting for dada to prepare for work, I then started to do some of the household chores.
Dada oftentimes leaves the house around 630 in the morning. Once he leaves, I will go back to bed hoping for you to continue to sleep, so I can go back to sleep as well, even just for 30minutes.
Today wasn’t my luck.
You woke up before dada left for work.
We then kissed him goodbye.
I still tried to convince you to go back to sleep. But you already stood up and asked to go to toilet to pee. Well, well.. I am already anticipating your next words would be, “mom, let’s not go back to sleep.”
But after flushing the toilet and washing your hands, you walked back quietly to the room.
In my mind, “hurray to bedtime!”
But then, you picked up one of your toys and said, “mommy, let’s play!”
So yeah,we went back to bed, but we didn’t go back to sleep.
After nearly an hour of playing, I stood up to prepare our breakfast and asked you to play in the sala.
And there you were, carrying that huge bean bag (from ninang chiqui) and you don’t mind bumping on two different walls.
Of course, you would came back and forth to get some of the toys..
Oh, the toys..
Everywhere I can see toys..
Afterwards I called you to sit with me and eat breakfast but you were hesitant.
So i carried you up, sit you on the chair, and asked you to pray. You politely obliged. It would always took us couple of minutes before we could finally finish saying grace. (ang daming pasahog na daldal)
It went well at first, you eating the noodle soup and me wiping the mess on your face. Just about to finish, you played with it and it scattered on the floor. Your clothes were wet and sticky. I told you to sit still while I get you new clothes.
When I went inside our bedroom, I stepped on one of the tiny lego. Ouch!
Then I spotted on our dirty laundry, and it was so full. Thought I just did the laundry few days ago??
And then I saw the bedsheet and the blanket and all the pillows everywhere (not mentioning the toys). In short, it was a mess.
I went back to change your clothes, and there you were happily playing on that sticky noodle mess, while I tripped on one of the toys. Again.
I changed your clothes. Asked you to sit on the sofa while I picked up the toys. I swept the floor and then mopped it.
I said to myself, finally, I have done one thing.
Just when I was about to wash the dishes, you were shouting “mommy, wiwi”. You are already toilet trained and I was used to having you seen walked in the toilet to pee or poo. I wasn’t worried at all. Not after I saw you walking towards me in the kitchen and said “mommy may wiwi”. I saw your shorts wet (again), and the newly swept and mopped floor wet., with “wiwi”.
And then I bursted in exhaustion.
I shouted at you, “Marshall! Baket dyan ka umihi! Diba marunong ka na?! Baket dyan ka pa ren umihi sa sahig!” I kept on talking, and shouting, and talking.
Suddenly I felt very tired. I was not complaining. I am not. It’s not that I am not doing the things wholeheartedly, but at this point, I just felt that I am at my weakest. That feeling that I have already done a lot of things, and yet I still have a lot of things to do, and I still need to do the things which I already did. I dunno if you get it.
But yeah, that’s how I felt.
I felt I didn’t get enough rest and sleep.
I felt ugly, still wearing the stained pajamas and my hair was a mess.
I cannot even remember when was the last time I glanced myself at the mirror.
I felt I have no one to share my loads of work.
I felt alone.
Next thing I knew I was already teary eyed, shouting, and still scolding at you.
And then I saw you looking at me, probably wondering what is happening to me.
Oh, that look of your innocent eyes..
I cried even more, when I heard you said, “mommy, dont’ be sad, I’m here.” Then you embraced me and patted me on my back.
Wow, are you a 2 year old boy?
Here I am scolding you, and there you were, comforting me.
I don’t know, where’d you get those words.
But it pinched my heart, and made me realized that despite what I have been feeling, I have this little boy in front of me, understanding ang loving me in his own special way.
All of a sudden, a bible verse popped up in my mind, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”
And I just prayed to the Lord, to give me more strength and more patience.
Today, I was able to cook early for our dinner, vacuum the carpet, clean and mopped the sala floor, bathe you and feed you and put you to sleep. I felt more energized, and more patient. Well, forget about all the dirty clothes, the messy floor, and all the uncessary things. There can never be more important than this little man beside me.
Anak, please forgive mommy for having times like this. I will do everything I can do for you my love.